WASTED ALL DAY KILLING ALL THE CAPULETS

platoapproved:

If I were to ever write any kind of urban/modern magic story, the one piece of worldbuilding that would be non-negotiable for me would be the background presence of a public broadcasting show that is an almost exact replica of The Joy of Painting, but instead it’s The Joy of Summoning.

Just half-hour installments teaching you some different techniques for summoning monsters, malevolent spirits, and even minor demigods, in a gentle and instructional way.  There’s a warlock with a fro and a soft voice encouraging you that, contrary to what people think, you don’t have to spend half your life in mage school to summon a demon; all you need is the right tools, a little practice, and a nightmarish vision in your heart.  You don’t need to be cursed by a dark entity upon birth: anyone can do it!

“Now, let’s make a happy little blood circle on the floor, just like this.  Don’t think about it, don’t measure it out.  Doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be big enough to hold the hell portal later on.  Once we’ve done that we can add some black candles right here, all around it.  Look at that!  See how easy that is?”

“We always use the same materials, every week.  The names of the items you’ll need for this particular ritual are gonna appear right there at the bottom of the screen.  If you want to, you can perform a summoning right along with us, or just relax and watch for now.”

“Remember that this is your world, in your world you can create anything that you desire.” (I didn’t even make that one up that is just a straight-up quote from The Joy of Painting)

“Make sure you don’t mix that graveyard dirt and blood of an innocent too much, otherwise you’re gonna lose that texture which is so important.  See how I’ve done it just here?  You want it to be still be clumpy when you smear it on the mirror. Juuuust like that.  Perfect.”